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There are mornings, those early morning hours just waking up, entwined in each other and we fit together so perfectly I can not wait to call this man my Husband. Then we have other times where he seems so distant, or I am being difficult and I feel we have so much work to do. I want to hear him promise to me, God and closest family and friends that he will take me as his, and I take him as mine, we exchange rings and kiss and then it's over.
Very soon we both will be having the happiest day of our lives, meeting our daughter. Marrying will not replace meeting her as the happiest day of my life, certainly not a wedding. People often assume he's my husband, D's friend B even calls me "the wife," I am correcting him and reminding him I am not D's wife, I am his girlfriend. I do not want us to fall in that trap, where it's "like" we're husband and wife and worry that since "it's 'like' we're married" we won't actually get married.
We were out a couple weekends ago, as we walked past a jewelry store D asked if I wanted to look at engagement rings, he did not say this is jest, but I had no desire. It seemed weird to me. Part of it is the wedding talk/end of season that's been going on, part is because I spend hours looking at wedding porn. Mostly, nearly all of my friends are married now. I love other people's weddings, love seeing the pictures and love hearing the details, but I don't need or want that for me. God gave me a baby first and I have faith that he'll give me a husband next.
Why am I writing about this? Am I engaged? No, I'm just a baby mamma who one day wants to have someone to call my Husband and he'll call me his Bride, and we'll live happily ever after where it won't be like jail!
Did you get nervous because you lived together or had a child together that since it was "like" you were married, you wouldn't actually get married?
My friend is in this 'trap' right now. She has been with her boyfriend for 10 years and they just bought a house together. Everyone they meet assume they are married and the boyfriend seems to think that since he 'committed' by buying a house together, they don't need to go through the formality of getting married. She isn't of the same mindset and I worry about that for her.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I dated for almost 3 years before moving in together. I sort of had to give him an ultimatum to get that, we were living about 2 hours apart and I had a large apartment all for myself and I eitehr wanted to move in together or I was going to get a room mate and have to make a year commitment to that person.
ReplyDeleteHe bought a house and we moved in the house together. We lived in the house for another 2.5 years before getting married. We dated 6.5 years before getting married. I would go back and forth with what is a piece of paper going to change, and I am ready and if he is not I am so out of here. It took a lot of prodding on my part...my husband had a very jadded view about marriage and the divorce rate out there and what not. I actually would have been okay having a baby and then getting married, but he has a daughter from a previous relationship when he was much younger (she will be 18 when our twins come) and he said he really wanted to be married this time before having a baby, which was sweet. But I was coming up on 30 and my biological clock was ticking loudly, and I knew I would need help with fertility...so all of that really pushed the cart forward...but 6.5 years is a LONG time to date and not be married.
I have a best friend on the other hand who has been with her "fiance" for 11 years, they bought a house together about 2 years ago and she demanded a ring before buying a house. He gave her a ring and she was happy to get married and have a baby. She is older than I am she is 36ish....and she has wanted to be married and be a mom forever. Sadly, he has 100 excused why this is not the year to get married or have a baby, and I feel terrible because it seems like he has taken away her hope for any of this. Now she says she is just fine with a ring and maybe one day they will actualy get married, when I know how important it was and how much she wanted it. It is almost the same situation as your friend Heather above. I know she wants kids, we have had many heart to hearts, and I know it is hard for her to sit back and watch me get everything she has always wanted in life.