Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Focus RELENTLESSLY on the positive.

If you follow me on twitter, I had a bit of moment today. I've been having a bit of a lot of moments lately. I was a jerk, I wanted to whine and complain and feel sorry for myself because my girl is NKA...


I started going to therapy, not just because we aren't married, but I've changed A LOT of things the past three years. Moved to a brand new city, had a baby, moved in with a man, bought a house, tried making friends (it's rough ya'll), one friend moved, another went off to finish school, and me?

Well... I started working for a great company thanks to girl who moved and then... see above photo. The girl who went to school and I do sincerely try to get together, I seriously don't know how she does it all, she's awesome! I'm a bum.

And I'm happy, I am, but something is missing. Next month will be D and I's 3 year anniversary. 3 years, 1 1/2 babies and... yeah.

Therapy has taught me I think negative, it's a process, one WAY over due for me. Like way overdue. There were so many different issues I thought I had under control, but I didn't. I was mean to D, I was feeling sorry for myself and I didn't want my daughter growing up with a sad, miserable, negative mother. Plus all the hormones that come with pregnancy, it's crazy. So I'm a mess, well, not a mess. It could be worse, but I'm working on it.

So I'm struggling and even though I want this really bad, the girl who moved reminded me others desperately want what I already have. So I'm a jerk and instead I need to focus on what I have, not what I think I want (damn hormones).

Someone who I admire told me, she felt a sigh of relief to know what looks perfect online, is not perfect IRL, (I had to vent and she is awesome at listening, sorry M, hope you don't get too many emails) and so this is not perfect. Yay.

Also, my spelling is probably not perfect and I don't know where the spell check is on here anymore.

Be positive!