Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Mommies shouldn't be judgemental

Should they? I might need to take a break from the 'book,' the facebook that is. I logged on yesterday afternoon, was stalking as I usually do, then I saw it and was filled with OMG! A "friend" of mine went to WIC (Wisconsin's state assistance program) yesterday and was enraged that they were talking about breastfeeding her baby with her. She then ranted that "it's MY body, MY boobs, MY choice and MY baby." I commented "if it's your baby/choice then you should pay for it, no?" I haven't logged on since.

The issue wasn't with her choice to breastfeed or not breastfeed, it's tough when you're the only source of food for your baby (I know from experience). I'm probably making this more dramatic than necessary, but this "entitlement" irks me. When my younger brother's girlfriend got pregnant her response was "...they'll pay for everything so it's no big deal." OMG about that too! The they who pay for that is us, we do not have a choice. I struggle with this.

I judge and I get angry, of course it's not the child's fault. They are innocent and shouldn't have to suffer for the bonehead decisions their parents make, but to bite the hand that feeds you is wrong. There is nothing wrong with being on assistance. Situations happen, circumstances change - babies are very expensive and I want the child to have the best opportunities and life possible.

I understand there are unforeseeable circumstances where a family needs extra help. Planning to have a family because they'll pay for it is, in my opinion, boneheaded. Getting disgusted because the institution that will be giving you citizens' tax dollars to care for your child talked with you about breastfeeding instead of formula, also, imo, boneheaded.

I realize receiving assistance is not glamorous. I've had family and friends who have struggled getting through the system, having to wait days to see a doctor when they had a sick child, choosing buying diapers and formula over paying the rent because their assistance hadn't come yet. Not only does this cause financial stress, it causes insurmountable emotional stress.

I personally struggled with my decision to leave my job and go blindly into Indy looking for a job while I was 4 months pregnant, giving up receiving temporary disability after her birth. I am fortunate to have D who could support me financially, I am fortunate to stay at home with my daughter. Without D, I would certainly need assistance and there's a good chance I may not be able to continue to provide Grace breast milk.

I want another child, possibly two more children, but I also know that we've had to make financial adjustments with Grace. D has the responsibility of financially providing for both her and I to allow me to stay at home and raise our baby girl. Sadly, there isn't an endless supply of money.

I struggle. I don't want to be judgemental, moreover, I don't want Grace to see her mom being judgemental. I realize I easily could someday be calling or waiting on assistance for my child, swallowing a huge chunk of my pride and eating these words I wrote today.

Can we discuss?

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Not for 70 years

Have the Packers and Bears played in a championship game. Big Grace is all ready decked out and waiting for the win! She needs to get all the use she can out of this cute 'fit as her daddy would say.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Sleeping Gracie

So my daughter has been pretty cool as far as sleeping goes. Almost right out of the gate she was sleeping 5-6 hours, we'd put her to bed around midnight and she'd sleep until five or six the next morning. Again, one of the bazillion reasons we are so blessed to have her in our lives. She has gotten more expressive, more aware in her daily activities this has also been apparent in her sleeping activities.

Grace smiles in her sleep and sucks her lips - she's amazing to watch even when she's sleeping, she really is, I'm not just saying that cause she's my baby. :) She also cries in her sleep, you can see her lip getting sad and then she'll let out a loud wail. I'll comfort her, pick her up, try to wake her so she knows not to be scared, but she's sleeping - she'll just snuggle in and continue to get her rest. Her dad talks in his sleep so I don't know if she gets this from him or it's something all babies do since it's my first one.

Sunday night, all of us tucked in bed, Grace let out a huge wail. You know when kids are older and they let out the silent cry and you just want the kid to breath? Grace did the loud cry, but was not breathing back in. It was such a long wail I was starting urging her to breath! I brought her in bed with us until she calmed down and went back to sleep. When we woke up in the morning I saw this:

This mom should pay more attention when her babe cries as well as how quick baby's nails grow!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Grace's Nursery

You have asked about the nursery and I have put it off for good reason, we're renting and would like to buy a home once the lease is up. So much time and effort is put into it and instead of using my energy to prepare a room for Grace she wouldn't use for a few months and then use only a few months after that, instead I directed my energy into a making our house a home. D lived here a few months by himself before I came and although he has an eye for decorating, we needed to add nick nacks and pictures to make this space ours.

Here's what the nursery looks like, it still looks like this today, but missing some outfits, washcloths and blankets.

Here's what's in the crib, a lot of baby stuff. We decided against a bedding set because even though they look pretty they are costly and used only for decoration (baby can't sleep with things in the crib).

Also, we don't have a dresser for Grace, instead, here's where I put her clothes. They are all out in the open and it works because she's growing out of her newborn stuff and in a couple months she'll be growing out of her 0-3 months clothes.

This is a picture I will be so glad to hang in her room, it was a gift and the perfect touch when she gets her own room!

It was difficult to get a good shot of the closet, but this is organized too. We got some clothes for when she's older and I don't want to forget about them, we have her diapers and wipes in there too along with some toys for when she gets a little older.

Grace sleeps in our room for now, she's so small. I think she's much more comfortable knowing mommy is just an arms length away instead of in a whole 'nother room.

Anyway, I don't think she minds.

Monday, January 10, 2011

I was born one morning...

28 years ago this past Saturday, this birthday was a lot different than the past 27 years in that I had my baby! Instead of a birthday cake, I used up one of my diaper cakes from my shower. It differed from the last 10 years in that I didn't get one.single.birthday.shot. and I was okay with that.

My BFF and her hubby were going to come down from Wisconsin to meet my daughter and celebrate my birthday. We've celebrated as long as we've been friends, over 5 years now. She called me Friday afternoon and told me her mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer.

Cancer sucks.

My 28th year celebration wasn't about me, it was about her. She has been like a second mom to me, I think of conversations we have had, her strong faith and I know I am a better person for having her in my life. This has brought many people closer to God. I have spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about how He does things according to His plan, not ours.

Anyway, I will show you all the nursery you've been dying to see this week. I was going to type it up Friday, but with the news, I hope you understand.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Being Mommy

I know I have lacked posts and I tried to stay in touch, but the majority of my day is dedicated to my new bundle of joy and the remaining time is spent sleeping, eating, and cleaning (myself/house)... usually in that order. Grace has been such a joy, I never ever thought I could/would be THIS MUCH in love with her. It hasn't been easy peasy, it has been a challenge, it has pushed me when I didn't want to get up, it has frustrated me when she cries after I put her in her bassinet or anywhere other than human arms. It has been painful, not the recovery from giving birth, but the breastfeeding!

I can say now I am glad I stuck with it, I'm glad I pushed through when it felt like my nipple was going to fall off, for us, it's so much easier (and cheaper) to whip out a boob instead of making a bottle. Grace has taken to it and I love when she gets "robin's mouth," she looks like a little birdy looking for her food. She gets an adorable, surprised look on her face when she latches and does those first few sucks. It was tough, those first few weeks, the pain was ridiculous, I cringed each time she woke up hungry.

With Grace turning one month and my birthday coming up, I was hoping I could pump to enjoy a night out with friends and a few cocktails, but I didn't have much luck with that. I bought a manual pump and tried it after I fed her in the morning and pumped a half ounce. Any hints or tips would be appreciated.

We are so blessed to have a healthy, beautiful baby girl. I am so glad she is such a great baby, we think she is so good so she persuades us to have another one (not anytime soon). She's had good poops and wet diapers (what the doctor and nurses ask about). I've already had to cut her out of a onesie due to a diaper blow out, there was really no easy way to get her out of it. Grace did get baby acne, she still has it, but it doesn't bother her. She liked having a bath, but not her hair washed. I kept her cord scab, I can't bring myself to throw it out.

As easy as it is to say that I would like to go out, the reality has been it's so hard to leave her. What if she needs her mommy? What if I miss something? For now I'll enjoy my babe. I've been told it goes so fast and it seems like it already is!