I felt and continue to feel so much angst over being unwed it has brought me to tears numerous times throughout the last 28 weeks or so (I'm hormonal, OK?!). I am and remain a firm believer that just because you have a baby does not mean you need to get married, but it has not been easy for me. It's not about the wedding, I'm game for the courthouse, it's about the promise.
Way back in March, D came home late, we ate dinner, and sat on the couch cheek to cheek. He told me this is how it will be, he works late and wanted to make sure that I would be OK with that. I replied, so long as you don't mind me being in your face when you get home literally. He responded it didn't even cross his mind until I mentioned it.
D has lived with women before, D has been married before. In my 27 years, this is the first time I have lived with a man besides my Dad. I've had to adjust to this. I mentioned previously he works long hours, but he comes home from a long day and the first thing we do is embrace each other.
A strong foundation for any relationship. I stop what I am doing, he comes in looking tired and beat from work, but we embrace, we have a moment, we're back in each other's arms again and I still feel so safe, so calm.
Sometimes he'll go through the mail, others he'll head upstairs to change, sometimes he'll just disrobe in the living room (he's a guy, where did you think that going?), sit in his underwear turn on ESPN and get the latest highlights. I then finish dinner, set the living room table, we make our plates, eat our dinner and usually play a game of RPS to see who gets the ice cream.
Our lives are fine just the way they are for now, I have to learn to stop worrying considering he's given me no reason to worry.
That must be really hard. Even if you feel 110% secure, I'm sure there is that little bit that still questions things. You guys seem to be very strong :) Just keep working hard at your relationship. It'll be ok, married or not.
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you have a post-work ritual. I am sure it helps him to let go of some of the stresses at the office! :-)
ReplyDeleteRemember too, though, that having "alone" time is a key component in any relationship. Although you are having a child together, it's still important to maintain your sense of selves, also, you know?
Hang in there, Jenell-and know that marriage or no marriage you guys are going to be really good parents together. :-)
You guys seem in a better place than lots of married couples! I love the post-work hug. Doesn't it make just everything right in the world?
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