Should they? I might need to take a break from the 'book,' the facebook that is. I logged on yesterday afternoon, was stalking as I usually do, then I saw it and was filled with OMG! A "friend" of mine went to WIC (Wisconsin's state assistance program) yesterday and was enraged that they were talking about breastfeeding her baby with her. She then ranted that "it's MY body, MY boobs, MY choice and MY baby." I commented "if it's your baby/choice then you should pay for it, no?" I haven't logged on since.
The issue wasn't with her choice to breastfeed or not breastfeed, it's tough when you're the only source of food for your baby (I know from experience). I'm probably making this more dramatic than necessary, but this "entitlement" irks me. When my younger brother's girlfriend got pregnant her response was "...they'll pay for everything so it's no big deal." OMG about that too! The they who pay for that is us, we do not have a choice. I struggle with this.
I judge and I get angry, of course it's not the child's fault. They are innocent and shouldn't have to suffer for the bonehead decisions their parents make, but to bite the hand that feeds you is wrong. There is nothing wrong with being on assistance. Situations happen, circumstances change - babies are very expensive and I want the child to have the best opportunities and life possible.
I understand there are unforeseeable circumstances where a family needs extra help. Planning to have a family because they'll pay for it is, in my opinion, boneheaded. Getting disgusted because the institution that will be giving you citizens' tax dollars to care for your child talked with you about breastfeeding instead of formula, also, imo, boneheaded.
I realize receiving assistance is not glamorous. I've had family and friends who have struggled getting through the system, having to wait days to see a doctor when they had a sick child, choosing buying diapers and formula over paying the rent because their assistance hadn't come yet. Not only does this cause financial stress, it causes insurmountable emotional stress.
I personally struggled with my decision to leave my job and go blindly into Indy looking for a job while I was 4 months pregnant, giving up receiving temporary disability after her birth. I am fortunate to have D who could support me financially, I am fortunate to stay at home with my daughter. Without D, I would certainly need assistance and there's a good chance I may not be able to continue to provide Grace breast milk.
I want another child, possibly two more children, but I also know that we've had to make financial adjustments with Grace. D has the responsibility of financially providing for both her and I to allow me to stay at home and raise our baby girl. Sadly, there isn't an endless supply of money.
I struggle. I don't want to be judgemental, moreover, I don't want Grace to see her mom being judgemental. I realize I easily could someday be calling or waiting on assistance for my child, swallowing a huge chunk of my pride and eating these words I wrote today.
Can we discuss?
So, let me make sure I'm understanding this. Your friend was upset because when she went to apply for assistance, they discussed breastfeeding with her?
ReplyDeleteWhether or not a mom wants to breastfeed - or even has the ability to do it - is her personal decision, so I don't like the idea that the government might try to force someone into doing it.
However,
I absolutely, completely, positively agree that if you are going to ask for public assistance, there MUST be some rules and guidelines that you have to meet. I firmly believe that in order to receive public assistance, it's not unreasonable to have to submit to and pass a drug test. Hey, many of us have to do that in order to get - and keep - a job, so why shouldn't someone asking for government support have to do the same thing?
An unplanned pregnancy can happen to anyone. But PLANNING a child when you are not financially able to take care of it on your own is irresponsible. It's immature.
It's one thing to accept assistance when you truly need it and are trying to better your situation. It's quite another thing to make it a way of life. Those are the people I have a problem with.
Not a mom, but I don't really see why she was so upset that they talked to her about it. Yeah, it's her decision. But they aren't FORCING her to do it in order to receive their assistance, as that's not a requirement. I don't see what's wrong with saying, "yeah, we'll help you. But here are some ways to help yourself, too." She can follow it or not, either way, she's receiving free assistance.
ReplyDeleteI would agree with you, receiving state aid should be a last resort, and not a first choice, or a reason to get pregnant. Sometimes people need a helping hand, and hoo rah for that, but to collect it because you can, rather than think about all of this before making a baby, not a fan.
ReplyDeleteLike you, my husband and I have and will continue to have to make sacrafices in order for me to stay home with the twins when they come in about 6 weeks. It doesn't work for everyone, but we hope it will work for us. Without my husband working hard and being committed to providing for us, I wouldnt have the luxury of staying home.
I totally don't think that you're off base for feeling like that... honestly I believe if they're providing you with something you don't provide themselves, then they have the right to provide you with EDUCATION too. I doubt they were shoving her breast in a baby's mouth. If you are short on dough, breast feeding is a good idea since it's FREE. But it is tough and needs education and they're just trying to help. Beggars can't be choosers!
ReplyDeleteI personally hate when people CHOOSE to live off the government - it's supposed to be a crutch, not a wheelchair. And I 100% agree with Chrissy, they should have to take a drug test monthly. FOR SURE.
PS you are lovely and I adore you!