I feel, therefore I am

Feelings, nothing more than feelings... Ahem, pardon my singing, but when those feelings turn into a reality what do you do? My OMGinIndy has been far from perfect, although I never expected perfect, I had an expectancy for certain things. That we would be a family, that I would be enough for D, that we would find friends who would become family in this city away from "our city."

I'm missing home something fierce. I'm missing Grace playing with her cousins and watching my crazy family take care of my girl. She doesn't know what she's missing out on, but I do.

It's much more than what is here, it's picnics and cookouts and lazy afternoons on the lake, it's gatherings and get togethers and celebrations of milestones, it's goofy pollacks laughing and snorting reminising about the days of old.

It's friends, who now have children, watching our kids playing together and thinking of how different this "hanging out" is.

It's overwhelming, it's challenging... It's starting to feel less and less of a home.

Not a girl, not yet a woman

My girl is growing. Yes, she is still a "baby," however, she is no longer the stationary, cuddly, fragile girl I brought home 8 1/2 months ago. Last week, I reorganized my house. Some call it "baby proofing," I'm simply trying to make it more "baby friendly" and a little more organized.

She is my only child, the one who made me a mother. I love her, I spoil her, I want to see her happy, not cry, it hurts my heart, but I'm slowly getting over that. I need to get things done during the day and she needs to be independent. There's still a bunch of kinks to work out. It will take more than a week to outsmart a baby, even with a college degree!

Our front room was just that, a room in the front of our house. It was becoming storage for diaper bags, car seat, and large, "containment devices" for the child (i.e. jumper/swing) that were just in the way in our living room. I didn't take any before pictures as I wasn't intending on creating a "how to" post and since I used things we had already purchased to create a play room for Grace. It turned out nice though and since I am far from crafty, I thought sharing would help out other non-crafty moms (it's amazing what a little TLC will do to a room).

These shelves were literally sitting around collecting dust, I dust them off and organized her toys, I will switch them out as she cannot reach the ones on the top shelf...yet.


The end of the shelf begins the "walking wall" it is just as it sounds, things we use on a regular enough basis which she can use to pull herself up and walk around in. Sorry about the blurriness, this girl is on a mission!


She could stop for a quick pose though.


Lastly, a little play area by the window so she can people and animal watch and enjoy the sunshine while getting some learning in.


Our home is still filled with baby stuff, but our living room is not. Gone is the cluttered mess and in place is a functional space for all of us to enjoy.

How I'm the idiot

Mothering is tough, any mother knows and it's not something that you can comprehend until you have children of your own.

Grace is 8 1/2 months old and some days it gets so darn overwhelming. She's walking up on EVERYTHING she can pull herself up on and leaves everything in disarray. No matter how clean I try to keep my house, she'll find a crumb or a fuzz or a piece of grass and pop it in her mouth. She's learned that when she does that to keep her jaw clenched because the big mean mama is coming to dig out whatever she put in there.

I thought I had outsmarted her yesterday, I finally moved the books she kept pulling off the shelf from the 2nd cubby to the 5th (top) cubby and today after throwing in another load of laundry I find this:

Baby 87, Mom O

Family

I was chatting with my fellow Canadian mother, who, like me is also in a relationship with her "baby daddy." We don't want a big wedding, our wedding day will not be the most important day of our life, the day we met our daughters was. A wedding will never ever come thisclose to the moment in my life when I first held and locked eyes with the beautiful child we had created. With that said, I still want to be married dammit.

I went to my boyfriend's office today(dropping off gym clothes for him and bringing him lunch), when I arrived he was finishing up a conversation on the phone and he told the person on the other end, "yeah I gotta go my wife and kid just showed up with lunch." I replied how I always do "I am not you wife." It bothers me, yes I am "like" his wife, but not really. It's not about the ring or the piece of paper(although that's nice to have), it's the vows, the promise to forever and always love...

Silly, I know.

Bringing sexyback & baby crack

Hi all,

First and foremost, thank you for sticking by me while I remain on a self proclaimed hiatus from blogging. Life hasn't been all rainbows and sunshine in the recent months, having a baby changes everything, having a baby with a man you knew for 3 months rocks your entire world. I'm happy to report we are on the right path, we've had to try a few different things some worked, some did not, some needed clarification... BUT we are still in love even though we have our days. Who doesn't right?

It has been one year since I've been in Indy! At times it feels like it's been a long year, I spent a week in Milwaukee this month surrounded by my great friends and wonderful family and it was much needed. I knew when we moved that it would be tough, having a baby makes it that much more difficult. I've gained a few great friends which I am so happy about, I still need to learn to spend time away from the baby, to have D watch her and go enjoy my friends. I'm working on that.

Onto the important stuff, next week, my babe will be 7 months old!!! She's army crawling all over the place and is so proud of herself. According to my mom, I was walking at 9 months and I have no doubt my baby will be around that time too. She is so determined, it's hard to try and sit her down as she locks her legs and wants to stand, she'll even take some steps while holding on to our fingers, she's on a mission.

It's awesome watching her learn, amazing when she "crawls" to me, and funny when she wants attention (mostly when we are eating). Her thing is to crawl around the table, put her head in her arms and cry... we don't respond, she moves a little more and repeats. Maybe D is right, she does have me wrapped around her finger and knows how to play me like a fiddle. She's such a goof! But, just this week I found a solution, aka "baby crack."

Before you go calling CPS, let me explain, it's a mesh feeder thingy. It's not crack, it's frozen peas or, if she already had baby food, a banana! Banana's are her crack, she LOVES them almost as much as she loves me. She chomps and sucks until there is nothing left, then whines cause it's gone. Don't mess with the mesh!

My mom is coming this weekend and staying through part of the week. D and I are planning a real honest to gosh date since we have grandma here to watch the babe. Hopefully, I'll be back on track soon with this blog thing. Have a great weekend!

Alone, together.

Grandma and Grandpa took the baby this afternoon. Finally, we have an afternoon all to ourselves.


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Relax, this isn't that kind of blog. Instead, D is playing "Angry Birds" on his iPhone and I am catching up on my reader as well as adding new blogs.

Folks, listen - Having a baby DOES change everything! Enjoy your weekend.

P.S. Have you found any great new blogs people need to know about lately?

Not the mama

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Hey all, so now the baton is passed on to me. I have read in my "mom blogs" that babies prefer the mama and Grace is becoming no different. Last night during dinner at the neighbor's (M's) house I wanted to imbibe a few Miller Lite's. I brought my bottle of pumped milk over to the neighbor's house and she offered to feed it to the baby while I prepared, more like, attempted to prepare some dinner. Grace would have none of it, my sweet darling of a girl turned into a pretty p'd off baby. Why? Because M does not stand for mama.

I felt two ways about this - 1) that I am THE MAMA, but b) sometimes mama needs a break and it's okay for her to know that others can and will love and care for her. The toughest thing in the world is hearing your baby cry/scream and knowing that all they want is you. I know I am helping her not be so dependent, but dang it's tough. M has watched her before and we spend a good amount of time with her, but I think my presence prohibited her from getting over the fact that someone else was feeding her and it was not OK. M told me she was not like this when she watched her before (THANK GOD).

I recently started a part time job on the weekends and daddy is looking forward to spending time with Grace one on one, I was nervous, but they both seem to be doing well adjusting to this new schedule - at least that's what D tells me.

It's tough being in a new city and having few friends or family to help my daughter learn that others are capable and willing to love and care for her. We are getting out of the house, but most of our interactions with "outsiders" are limited to me holding her while they smile and look at the baby, the minute I hand her off, she is unhappy, I leave her sight and Bam, all h-e-double hockey sticks breaks loose. Grace has established a comfort zone and I am the mother ship of which it revolves around.

A friend told me babies think like they are thrown onto a foreign planet. It makes sense, they spend 10 months in the womb and come out into this world lost and scared. I love being a mom and just want what is best for her. I am hoping in writing this post someone can come and prove me wrong, that she is just fine when someone else is holding her and really I'm making this up to make me sound more necessary than I really am.

I wholeheartedly believe it takes a village to raise a child and although I do try very hard to keep an open mind with everything, others can influence and instill values in her that I may not be able to. I learned too that being away makes me love and appreciate her more which makes me a better mother and woman. I cannot forget about the woman that I am.