Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Focus RELENTLESSLY on the positive.

If you follow me on twitter, I had a bit of moment today. I've been having a bit of a lot of moments lately. I was a jerk, I wanted to whine and complain and feel sorry for myself because my girl is NKA...


I started going to therapy, not just because we aren't married, but I've changed A LOT of things the past three years. Moved to a brand new city, had a baby, moved in with a man, bought a house, tried making friends (it's rough ya'll), one friend moved, another went off to finish school, and me?

Well... I started working for a great company thanks to girl who moved and then... see above photo. The girl who went to school and I do sincerely try to get together, I seriously don't know how she does it all, she's awesome! I'm a bum.

And I'm happy, I am, but something is missing. Next month will be D and I's 3 year anniversary. 3 years, 1 1/2 babies and... yeah.

Therapy has taught me I think negative, it's a process, one WAY over due for me. Like way overdue. There were so many different issues I thought I had under control, but I didn't. I was mean to D, I was feeling sorry for myself and I didn't want my daughter growing up with a sad, miserable, negative mother. Plus all the hormones that come with pregnancy, it's crazy. So I'm a mess, well, not a mess. It could be worse, but I'm working on it.

So I'm struggling and even though I want this really bad, the girl who moved reminded me others desperately want what I already have. So I'm a jerk and instead I need to focus on what I have, not what I think I want (damn hormones).

Someone who I admire told me, she felt a sigh of relief to know what looks perfect online, is not perfect IRL, (I had to vent and she is awesome at listening, sorry M, hope you don't get too many emails) and so this is not perfect. Yay.

Also, my spelling is probably not perfect and I don't know where the spell check is on here anymore.

Be positive!


  1. Hang in there! Glad to hear you are working to help yourself - therapy can be a GREAT thing!

  2. I'm still here. Kinda. :( Now I just feel like a terrible friend. I know I have been lately. I'm sorry that we don't have as much time together. Stay positive and focused on your adorable little family! (Married or not, I'm still a tad jealous you're on #2 and I'm not..) 0:) PUHLEEZE text me any time girl!!

  3. Kelly is jealous you're on #2 but I'm just jealous of all of you with #1! I wish I was still in Indy with you guys- move to FL? I guess these things make me realize everyone has issues they're stressing about. Being able to talk to someone about it helps!!! And I'm always here too. Love ya girl!

  4. You had no email so I couldn't reply to you--so I'm leaving a comment :) Thank you for writing and leaving a comment, though. Really. I think you will find that having two (while a bit more challenging) really expands your heart in a way you didn't know possible. Emeline was my world. She still is. But Lucy is, too. It's so weird how that all works. I assure you though, it all works. You will adore seeing your babies together! Thanks again for the sweet and kind words!