Body movin, body movin

Baby getting down and you know I'm crush groovin!

If you follow me on twitter you know about my love affair with feeling baby move inside of me. Once she really got to moving I had to yell at my sister and tell her she never told me it was THIS cool. She just laughed and said "you can't really describe it." And, (shh, don't tell her) she was right!

I'm 29 weeks now and feeling all kinds of wiggles, kicks, jabs, rubs, jumps and who knows what else. I wish I had a see through tummy to watch my girl as learns to practice breathe, suck her thumb, blink her eyes, and move her little body all through my womb. I spend much of my day with at least one hand on my belly, sometimes being filled with so much happyness (yes, I spelled it with a y on purpose) I think I might explode.

A couple times, I've been shocked and a little sickened by what my hand just felt move around in belly, I know it's my baby, but when she kicks and then rubs her leg hard against my tummy, it's odd, weird and makes me think of this:


Source

I know my baby is not an alien (D still questions it from time to time), we have proof:


Ladies who haven't had babies, don't say I didn't warn you... Don't be alarmed though. I see some movement under my skin, but not much and if you're not looking, staring like I do you'll miss it, but that is coming too!

This "alien" feeling is rather new, she's getting stronger and more active everyday, I still love it, I love knowing that I am growing a human (Que the Superman music)! Most important is knowing I'm growing a healthy human. I'm glad, I'm blessed, I'm going to be a mama!

I look up to my younger sister

I was scared to tell my mom about my pregnancy, I told her I was moving to Indy and that was big enough for her to deal with. I was leaving her and going to start my own family with a man I had known for 4 months. How quick things had changed for me. I was 27 and still nervous about telling my mom. I was nervous for myself, a baby, a child, is a HUGE responsibility.

My sister (C - technically step-sister), was much different. She fell in love at 14, her high school sweetheart, he broke her heart so much. She needed the love, seeked it out like me. She cried and there was always drama, the relationship was so rough on her. I tried to talk to her, but I myself wasn't good at the few relationships I had, plus I was in college and going out to parties and having my own fun.

She told our Dad she was pregnant on his birthday, via text message. My mother called me that night telling me she was proud of me and told me of C's pregnancy. My heart broke for her, so young, not in a healthy relationship, why would she throw away all that for a baby?! She had so much time, he had just graduated high school, she's was going to be senior in high school, be off to college the next year, but that changed. She told me she forgot to take her pills, I told her boyfriend she forgot and to be careful, both of them to be careful. It came out that they were trying to get pregnant, they wanted to have a baby.

I couldn't understand, I didn't understand. My niece was born two days before my sister's 18th birthday. C moved in with her boyfriend, into an apartment of their own. She lived there a couple months after the baby was born then moved into my older brother's house, but her and Ron kept a relationship, their relationship, with all the drama, fighting and love that two young people have. Soon after, C was on her own, raising a baby and doing a fantastic job (much to our surprise). She loved that baby girl with her whole heart, she was/still is overprotective, but she gives up so much just to raise my niece.

She is 20, going to college now, working, raising a two year old. Ron wasn't much part of her life and when he was, C fought with him. C still did such a great job at raising K. I remember when I told her I was pregnant, that I hoped to be as great a mom as she is and she started crying. No one in the family had told her that before, it was hard, everything she had to deal with. Still she sucks it up and raises her baby.

Her true strength was shown this summer. Ron died. An accident, sudden, quick, permanent. I now look back and wonder if Ron knew maybe his time was going to end early, maybe he thought he wouldn't have another chance. My sister, his first and (quite possibly) only love, was the only one capable of handling this beautiful little girl, teaching her, helping her, showing her. She does such a great job.

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.” - Unknown

Non marié, unverheiratet, non sposata

I felt and continue to feel so much angst over being unwed it has brought me to tears numerous times throughout the last 28 weeks or so (I'm hormonal, OK?!). I am and remain a firm believer that just because you have a baby does not mean you need to get married, but it has not been easy for me. It's not about the wedding, I'm game for the courthouse, it's about the promise.

Way back in March, D came home late, we ate dinner, and sat on the couch cheek to cheek. He told me this is how it will be, he works late and wanted to make sure that I would be OK with that. I replied, so long as you don't mind me being in your face when you get home literally. He responded it didn't even cross his mind until I mentioned it.

D has lived with women before, D has been married before. In my 27 years, this is the first time I have lived with a man besides my Dad. I've had to adjust to this. I mentioned previously he works long hours, but he comes home from a long day and the first thing we do is embrace each other.

A strong foundation for any relationship. I stop what I am doing, he comes in looking tired and beat from work, but we embrace, we have a moment, we're back in each other's arms again and I still feel so safe, so calm.

Sometimes he'll go through the mail, others he'll head upstairs to change, sometimes he'll just disrobe in the living room (he's a guy, where did you think that going?), sit in his underwear turn on ESPN and get the latest highlights. I then finish dinner, set the living room table, we make our plates, eat our dinner and usually play a game of RPS to see who gets the ice cream.

Our lives are fine just the way they are for now, I have to learn to stop worrying considering he's given me no reason to worry.

Cest La Vie

Our Childbirth class was cancelled, I was so so bummed. I did leave work early to get there on time. We weren't the only ones who didn't get the memo and I registered Friday morning for the evening class. The lady I spoke with asked if I was "the Teen Mom," umm, no, glad you classify people here.

We wanted to go car shopping, the dealership was closed. It would have been nice to go out for dinner, we had Subway beforehand. We went to Goodwill so I could get some Maternity clothes and then walked around the strip mall. Tried to talk D into getting a cat, but that was a waste of my time - "we're having a baby." We met some friends up at the bar and this preggo got down to some old school MJ!

I had gotten a second wind by the time we got home, but D was ready for bed.

Saturday, since I was way over due for an oil change, we did that and went to get a new memory card for the camera so I could have pictures to show you, my dear readers. Some newer one was on sale at a store that rhymes with Smarget, 8G's so we purchased that and the camera works! Watched college football and had a homemade country fried Pork Chop dinner.

We didn't really take any pictures, but in between games, D got one of my bump with headphones taped on, I let baby girl listen to music for the first time this weekend and she danced and danced. I went to upload the picture last night and low and behold, the computer didn't read the memory card.

Maybe pictures on my blog was just not meant to be. I try, I really do.

Weekend Plans

Yippee, Happy Friday all! So 12 more weeks to go all I can think is HOLY CRAP! Between now and then I have so much to do. One thing we are crossing off the list this weekend is Preparation for Childbirth class.

I just found out this morning we would be doing the class because D doesn't want to do the standard 4-5 week classes, he said he would forget stuff between classes. The only other weekend class is his birthday weekend so we needed to get it done now. I don't really care how we do it (in a weekend or throughout a month) so long as D remembers and can keep me focused and motivated during my labor.

I wanted to clean and direct our attention this weekend to what will be the nursery since we haven't started that and get our camera fixed or go shopping for a new one. Hopefully we can have the camera before I start on the nursery project.

Sunday is dedicated to football. Maybe I will be able to get D off the couch, he can at least fold some of the laundry while watching football and golf all day.

What activities do you have planned for the weekend?

Can I get a Woo Woo

This post is long overdue! Like I told you in the beginning I don't know WHAT this blog is going to be about, but I love having a space and part of the web. Plus so many of my favorite bloggers have made life long friends through their blogging and I like friends!

I need to shout out to KJPugs, she did this post and she mentioned my blog! :) It was one of the proudest moments of my life! I got acknowledged for being a blog of substance! I wasn't sure if it an award, I saw the other gals mention it as an award, but didn't want to be the weird one who accepted an award that really wasn't an award (sorry MJ, we know you did it). It was awesome to be recognized!

Thank you from the bottom my heart, it feels good to be acknowledged! KJ is a sweetheart, she rescued her adorable pugs and if you never gave pugs a second look (D says they have a face only a mother could love) check out her blog and you'll be head over heels!

To sum up my blogging philosophy, motivation, and experience in 5 words…

I just wanted to blog.

I used to be a Facebook stalker (who am I kidding, still am), but then I got involved in twitter through my friend Amy Little Miss Wedding Planner, got hooked on her awesome blog, she did a shout to other awesome bloggers, they all had twitter so I would follow them to see when they put up new blog posts after I caught up on their previous posts. I do Google Reader now, there was an answer to my prayers!

I digress, there were so many awesome people I was following on twitter and who were following me back, bloggers who had stories, thoughts and feelings, when I started with twitter I picked that name cause I wanted to have a blog highlighting my move, KJ gave me the push I needed when she asked if I had a blog, no one had asked me.

I decided to create it and share it. At first the posts could not come fast enough, it was nice to go back and create mine and D's story and how I got here. I'm looking forward to moving forward and reflecting back. It's nice to know there are people out there reading your words, listening to what you have to say.

I need to work on getting more pictures. I appreciate my followers and readers and, like every blogger, LOVE reading your comments. Yes I promise to have more pictures, we're having issues with the camera right now, but I am working on getting another.

So here are my top 10 choices for blogs with Substance:

http://but-then-i-had-kids.blogspot.com/

http://ambergontrail.com/

http://blueeyedbride.com/

http://www.becomingsarah.com/index.php/site/index/

http://dearbabyblog.com/ and her other blog withoutmelissa.com

http://divorcedbefore30.com/ looking forward to her follow up blog emmasota!

http://babykellogg.tumblr.com/

http://fosterhood.tumblr.com/

http://littlewedplanblog.wordpress.com/blog-roll/

http://ohhappymiracle.tumblr.com/

Of course my dear followers and commenters, but I didn't want to keep repeating. I'll make sure to shout out at your blogs in the future! And since I'm a doting mother today at 12 weeks left to go in my pregnancy (or so they say), here is a picture of my beautiful baby doing a fist pump! Rock On!

It's not all puppies and sunshine

My story doesn't end with me and D riding off into the sunset on our way to Fishers, happily ever after. Our story is not a finished one, sometimes it feels like it's closer to the end than other times. I have left a lot of things I loved when I moved from Wisconsin, this has been the toughest part.

Nearly three months have passed since my move. I am lonely here, I don't have my friends, I don't have my family, I don't have my job. I have a bump containing a baby in my belly (yes, I know you want pictures, but the camera needed more than a memory card). I came here for him, I wanted a new beginning for myself too, but I was thinking more of in a professional manner, not mommyhood.

When we met, I was independent, I worked very long and hard at being "ok" with me. I was happy, I didn't "need" a man, but I wanted someone to share my life with. I've become so financially dependent on him (trying to find work when you're four, five, or six months pregnant is not simple in this economy). I'm having difficulty adjusting to it. It's not about me anymore.

He's made friends. They go out, they drink, I sit at home. Sometimes I feel I'm SOL, sometimes I feel I made a mistake. He tells me I worry too much, I'm too sensitive. Maybe it's just hormones, maybe I'm not strong enough to do this on my own.

When left alone, one cannot help but to think. I think a lot, mostly about this baby and what I am doing and if I can do it right, if we can do it right, if we're going to last, if not, then what?

My friends in Milwaukee that were pregnant complained that no one called them to go out, maybe it's just part of pregnancy and this too shall pass. Granted sitting in a loud, smokey bar for hours is not my idea of a fun night right now, it will change. Although a bar is not out of the question, D and I go to BW3's for the trivia on occasion.

Life as I had known it changed forever. Yes, my life is slow now, mundane sometimes (no more Sunday funday), but also filled with amazement and awe at the little kicks and punches inside my belly and how my body is changing and what it is doing.

I got pregnant after dating 4 months, we'll be having a child near our one year anniversary. We are adults, we both knew what we were doing. I knew this would forever change my life.

Still these insecurities and worries remain.