36 Weeks

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Today I'm unofficially 36 weeks pregnant! One more week and baby is "full term." The crib is built. The diapers, wipes and Desitin are placed on the shelves, we have nooks, baby wash, lotion, oil, powder. We have blankets (oh do we have blankets), we have burp cloths, washcloths, towels. We have sleepers, onsies, socks, outfits and a Christmas dress. We have a base, a carseat, a stroller, a boppy, a bounce chair, a bumbo, a bassinet, and a pack n' play aka baby jail.

I cry when I hear country songs about a baby girl, last night, on the ride home I heard Rodney Adkins "Cleaning This Gun" and sobbed through the 465 to 69 bypass. This morning, I googled "baby girl country songs" I came across Kenny Chesney - There Goes My Life and the tears flowed from reading the lyrics.

We're so close I can taste it, I have spent more time looking through the baby clothes we have than I have watching my DVR'd shows. I have visions on photographing her under the Christmas Tree all snuggled up in a diaper with a big large bow on her. I imagine meeting her, holding her, having her close to my skin, feeding her, bathing her, watching her. I wonder will she look at me, will she open her eyes right away and know I'm her mommy. Will she have hair, will she be bald?

D is beyond ecstatic, we went out last night with his coworkers and he was just so excited talking about his baby girl, he observed how his friend always lights up when he talks about his son and I could see the same light in D when he spoke about his daughter. I've spoken to old friends, they have told me they can hear in my voice that I am happy, one mentioned a twinge of jealousy over how things are coming together in my life.

We have so much to do, but still "not that much," we are finally doing our birthing classes THIS week after postponing them twice. I can say now in a "couple" weeks we could be doing the real thing, we'll consider this weekend the practice run.

How did/would you feel when you are thisclose to meeting your baby?

What I learned in the last 35 weeks

This week marks my 35 weeks! I have honestly been very blessed throughout my pregnancy, I have heard some not so good stories about morning sickness, hemorrhoids, early contractions and bed rest. Even though I've hit "the wall" as they say (walking 3 blocks is a challenge, and I'll still have to stop to use the restroom even if I used it right before I left) I still enjoy feeling my baby girl planning her escape and punching and kicking me throughout the day now, even the kicks to the ribs aren't so horrible.

The last 35 weeks have been a roller coaster! Aside from moving to Indy I have learned so much about myself and my body and still am in awe what it has grown. I have built a human. It was nostalgia when I felt the first little flutters of movement my tummy in the quiet of the early morning on a futon in my Grandfather's home knowing my grandmother felt those flutters of my mom and my mom felt those same flutters of me in that same house. I feel connected to women, the earth and God as I will soon do what billions of women before me did.

In the last 35 weeks I have learned:

-hormones are real and in fact an excuse for ridiculous crying or laughing or weird combination of both

-I used to think a back tuck was an awesome thing my body could do, ha! That's nothing now

-my bladder is not made of steel, it feels like it's now made out of sponge

-having a baby is not as overwhelming as it seems, I have great family and friends who came together to provide us with plenty for this baby

-it really does go by fast

-I have been humbled by this experience

-Dreft is expensive, detergent with no dyes or fragrance does the same thing for less

-a "crib set" is really just an expensive decoration, because you can't put blankets or pillows in a crib - mesh bumpers and a crib sheet works just fine

-it hurts to bend over, like physically painful - and it's nearly impossible move past the waddle at this point, jogging or running are out of the question

-actually, everything hurts now

-your belly button hurts when it's expanding, it's scar tissue and does not have elasticity

-people are nice to pregnant ladies, they smile, hold doors and offer congratulations

-my boyfriend is, surprisingly to me, very handy

There is a ton more I could add to this list, probably a ton with TMI, but that's the fun of blogs right? Knowing all the juicy details, maybe I'll do one of those posts in the future. I had my baby shower this weekend and took lots of pictures and pictures of my month old niece, I tried to upload them using my parents computer, but again had no luck. :( I met kjpugs on Friday and here's the picture she took of us:


If you enjoy my blog, make sure to stop by hers if you don't already. She is more awesome in person than she is in her blog and she's the one who gave me the kick to get this blog started, we became friends on twitter and she was asking if I had a blog.

I can't believe I have a baby growing in my tummy! My niece was an absolute dream and angel, seeing her made me so much more excited to become a mother, we played tricks on family and friends telling some I already had the baby or that it was my younger sisters baby. :) I think D was slightly intimidated by her though, he laughed as she tried to focus on him and started going cross eyed, but had no desire to hold the tiny princess, it will be different when it's his.

What did you learn from your pregnancy or what advice/information have you learned from friends and family during your pregnancy?

The yin and yang of surprise

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I would like to assure you, dear readers, by sharing what I did that I am a)wanting to give you my real world view b)a strong woman who knows she'll do best for her baby and for herself (cause if momma ain't happy, no one is). Life is difficult at times. Thank you for being so kind and understanding.

In less than one year D and I have fallen in love, left the only city we both had ever known, left our friends and family, had a career/job change and learned we were going to be parents. We both take this parenting/baby thing very seriously, he is a man with heart and what I failed to realize was me discussing my fears, worries and concerns never gave him the opportunity to share his. Having a baby is new to both of us, not just me.

The end is much closer than the beginning now, we feel her growing strong, moving around, feeling her elbows, hands, knees, feet and head. We still can't see her, but we feel her, we are happy and laugh when she really whacks D. Last night, she was cheering with us as were hoping for a Packer victory, reaching out, giving us a fist bump or high five. Before the playoffs, she'll be here to cheer with us in person (Indy needs more Packer fans)!

God gave me a baby first

This past weekend was supposed to be wonderful, romantic, D and I's FIRST wedding together. It was not at all what I hoped, planned or prepared myself for. I was hurt, angry, telling a drunk lady at the bar to STFU (telling me I was going to have my baby early because of stress), sad, depressed, crying, ugly cry and even as my cousin wed the love of his life, more ugly cry. I hope I didn't ruin their wedding pictures.

D did not come to the rehearsal (I was a bridesmaid), he was not at the ceremony, he did not attend the reception and I was preparing myself to leave Indy in disbelief that at 27years old I had allowed myself to get in this predicament. I am honest, too honest for my own good sometimes, I feel my 8 readers need to know, we are on thin ice. I am not sure if/how I will discuss the details of the argument/issue, but two people can do A LOT of talking over the 4.5 hour drive back to Indy. Today we are beginning to do the doing.

I spent Saturday morning, getting my hair did and crying. Looking at myself in the mirror and wondering for the thousand time in my life why I was not good, pretty, worthy enough, why this continues to happen to me and what on earth am I going to do with no job, lots of bills and 9 weeks until baby came. My Aunt took me outside to talk.

She would send me cards in the mail "just because," on one of those cards she wrote:

'You deserve a love so great because you give love so great, don't settle.'

We talked about that, I cried, she listened... I turned my phone off and wanted to enjoy this day. Getting ready, I decided no more tears, I was putting my make up on and would be damned if I had to redo it. My mom told me he sent her a text asking me to call him, I did not. I was busy.

Tears continued, I'd have my moments, think I was strong and then something like trying to buckle my shoes would set me off (my feet are so swollen I couldn't do it myself). I cried, more like sobbed, nearly all through the ceremony. I didn't know how I would be able to make it through the day, all the family there and D not in attendance.

When the wedding party stopped at a bar, I was sitting with the ring bearer and the inquisitive flower girl. She kept looking at my belly and asking questions, then she asked THE QUESTION: "Are you married?" I kept it together, replied, then of course the follow up "Are you going to get married?" I responded 'someday' feeling the tears welling up in my eyes.

I needed to change the subject, kids like to know why you're crying... Before I could think of something, she stated "So, God gave you a baby first." So innocent, so wide eyed, so simple. 'Yes, yes, God gave me a baby first.'

I didn't shed one more tear the rest of the day.

Body movin, body movin

Baby getting down and you know I'm crush groovin!

If you follow me on twitter you know about my love affair with feeling baby move inside of me. Once she really got to moving I had to yell at my sister and tell her she never told me it was THIS cool. She just laughed and said "you can't really describe it." And, (shh, don't tell her) she was right!

I'm 29 weeks now and feeling all kinds of wiggles, kicks, jabs, rubs, jumps and who knows what else. I wish I had a see through tummy to watch my girl as learns to practice breathe, suck her thumb, blink her eyes, and move her little body all through my womb. I spend much of my day with at least one hand on my belly, sometimes being filled with so much happyness (yes, I spelled it with a y on purpose) I think I might explode.

A couple times, I've been shocked and a little sickened by what my hand just felt move around in belly, I know it's my baby, but when she kicks and then rubs her leg hard against my tummy, it's odd, weird and makes me think of this:


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I know my baby is not an alien (D still questions it from time to time), we have proof:


Ladies who haven't had babies, don't say I didn't warn you... Don't be alarmed though. I see some movement under my skin, but not much and if you're not looking, staring like I do you'll miss it, but that is coming too!

This "alien" feeling is rather new, she's getting stronger and more active everyday, I still love it, I love knowing that I am growing a human (Que the Superman music)! Most important is knowing I'm growing a healthy human. I'm glad, I'm blessed, I'm going to be a mama!

Can I get a Woo Woo

This post is long overdue! Like I told you in the beginning I don't know WHAT this blog is going to be about, but I love having a space and part of the web. Plus so many of my favorite bloggers have made life long friends through their blogging and I like friends!

I need to shout out to KJPugs, she did this post and she mentioned my blog! :) It was one of the proudest moments of my life! I got acknowledged for being a blog of substance! I wasn't sure if it an award, I saw the other gals mention it as an award, but didn't want to be the weird one who accepted an award that really wasn't an award (sorry MJ, we know you did it). It was awesome to be recognized!

Thank you from the bottom my heart, it feels good to be acknowledged! KJ is a sweetheart, she rescued her adorable pugs and if you never gave pugs a second look (D says they have a face only a mother could love) check out her blog and you'll be head over heels!

To sum up my blogging philosophy, motivation, and experience in 5 words…

I just wanted to blog.

I used to be a Facebook stalker (who am I kidding, still am), but then I got involved in twitter through my friend Amy Little Miss Wedding Planner, got hooked on her awesome blog, she did a shout to other awesome bloggers, they all had twitter so I would follow them to see when they put up new blog posts after I caught up on their previous posts. I do Google Reader now, there was an answer to my prayers!

I digress, there were so many awesome people I was following on twitter and who were following me back, bloggers who had stories, thoughts and feelings, when I started with twitter I picked that name cause I wanted to have a blog highlighting my move, KJ gave me the push I needed when she asked if I had a blog, no one had asked me.

I decided to create it and share it. At first the posts could not come fast enough, it was nice to go back and create mine and D's story and how I got here. I'm looking forward to moving forward and reflecting back. It's nice to know there are people out there reading your words, listening to what you have to say.

I need to work on getting more pictures. I appreciate my followers and readers and, like every blogger, LOVE reading your comments. Yes I promise to have more pictures, we're having issues with the camera right now, but I am working on getting another.

So here are my top 10 choices for blogs with Substance:

http://but-then-i-had-kids.blogspot.com/

http://ambergontrail.com/

http://blueeyedbride.com/

http://www.becomingsarah.com/index.php/site/index/

http://dearbabyblog.com/ and her other blog withoutmelissa.com

http://divorcedbefore30.com/ looking forward to her follow up blog emmasota!

http://babykellogg.tumblr.com/

http://fosterhood.tumblr.com/

http://littlewedplanblog.wordpress.com/blog-roll/

http://ohhappymiracle.tumblr.com/

Of course my dear followers and commenters, but I didn't want to keep repeating. I'll make sure to shout out at your blogs in the future! And since I'm a doting mother today at 12 weeks left to go in my pregnancy (or so they say), here is a picture of my beautiful baby doing a fist pump! Rock On!

The Results are In!

Well, you all know the outcome of my pregnancy test that morning. I woke up, called D. Told him I was going to take it, it takes about 3 minutes to process, so I would get in the shower and call him when I was done. I just finished flushing the toilet when it was confirmed what I had suspected.

Shaking, excited, scared, I called D back immediately. We had previously discussed that he hadn't had a scare in his life, or anything close to so he thought there might be something wrong with "his boys." The first words out of my mouth were "You don't have a problem with your swimmers!" Wow, ok, whew, alright. Wow, pregnant. It says Pregnant. D said he was ready to be a dad and asked me how I felt. I was still trying to grasp my mind around what this would mean. We both had to get to work, so no long convo.

I remember getting in the shower amazed at what my body was doing, there's a person growing in there. I'm going to be mom, a MOM. I remember specifically washing my stomach that day, pushing it out, imagining what it would be like to have a swollen belly fully of baby. Ready or not, I was going to be a mom, D was going to be a dad.

275 miles separated us, but I had never felt so close to someone before. While apart, I would always keep one of his shirts when we visited, I would bring back the one with the faded smell of him and would trade it in for a fresh smell of him. (Gosh, I love the smell of him!) Now, though no matter the distance, I had a part of him always with me.

That day at work, he kept calling me, checking on me, making sure I was ok. I was fine, I was more than fine. We had been dating for 4 months, in love for three, living in different states, him just taking a new position... and we were given a baby.

Surprise

Remember Rosanne? On one of the shows DJ asked her if he was an accident. She said he was a surprise, DJ then asked the difference. She responded an accident is something that happens that you never want to happen again, like a broken arm. A surprise is something you didn't know you wanted until you got it.

We weren't trying to not get pregnant.

I talked to D before about this, told him I was nervous waiting Christmas Eve since I was freaking out(as I never had to take a pregnancy test before), he told me he was not. Told me he's not worried and that I shouldn't be. He loves me, I love him. We both wanted a relationship, we both felt we found "our lobster." We were pretty confident we had. The test was negative.

I surprised with him a visit March 27th, although I would see him the next weekend for Easter, I just couldn't wait. I was down in Kenosha that morning, a stone's throw away from the Illinois border and 3 short hours after that could be in my lover's arms! He was out golfing with a buddy when I got there, I waited a couple hours and then he was home.

I kept checking, waiting, cause I knew it should be any day. I couldn't remember what day I had circled on my calendar at work, but it was always near the end of the month, like clockwork. When I returned to work on Monday morning, I was 5 days late. Maybe it was stress, I told myself, it will come. There were signs, I could feel them, any day now. D asked me if I felt different, sick or boobs hurt worse than normal. I didn't feel any different, I was just worrying myself over nothing.

Tuesday night, I grabbed a pregnancy test on my trip to Target that night. Later in the evening, I grabbed a six pack of beer and headed to my girlfriend Mo's house. Pregnancy test are best taken in the morning I was told, this was my last night that I knew I was not pregnant. We drank the beers and smoked our cigarettes, I headed home, called D and slept well that night.

And then?

Two weeks later, we learned D was up for his promotion, you know, the one where he may have to relocate. With this one, he would, it was in Indianapolis. One week after that, he was offered the job.

He called me as soon as he got off the phone with them, told me he was going to think about it, negotiate with the company (he has such a grown up job!). He wanted this, but didn't plan on meeting me. He needed to know that I would go with him, I would join him on his journey. He had to take this, that was not a question, he worked for this, he needed to do it. He wanted me by his side.

I knew I would regret losing love more than I would regret losing some time in Milwaukee, after all, I had been in Milwaukee for 27 years now. It was impossible for me to get lost in this city, I knew all the roads, all the restaurants, all the bars. The city was getting old to me. I needed something new, a new focus, new direction. I told D I would go.

The question was, do we go "balls to the wall" or do we think this through?

24 weeks

Today I am 24 weeks pregnant. I love it, not every minute of it, but I love having our baby. 'I'm growing a human, what can you do?' It's awesome and amazing all at the same time. My body has changed so much. I still walk by a mirror, look and am surprised sometimes. 16 more weeks to go!

Welcome

This blog should have been started June 12, 2010 when I made the move from my hometown New Berlin, WI all the way to Fishers, IN. I say all the way like it was a far trip, but I have never lived outside the greater Milwaukee area. I have lived in three towns - Milwaukee, New Berlin, West Allis.

At 26 years of age my mother thought it be best for me to meet a man. I opted for Match, mom paid, I guess she was desperate. One month later, wouldn't you know, I met a fabulous guy. Two months later, he got promoted which included relocation to Indy. Not wanting to regret losing love, we decided I would move to Indy, once I found a great job in this wonderful city!

March 31st all that changed. We learned we were going to become parents. Instead of seeking my dream job, we decided I would move out of my apartment and stay with my Aunt and Uncle in Milwaukee for a little bit. I would work, save money and then, I would move June 12 letting God take it from there. A week and a half after my arrival, I was lucky enough to get a temp job in downtown Indy working full time and have been here since.

If you're wondering what this blog is going to be about... umm, I don't really know. A journal of my moving, pregnancy, fears, dreams, thoughts. It's been quite a ride and I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm doing something with my life, exactly what that thing is I haven't quite figured out yet, maybe you'll let me know what it is. I followed my heart and here I am!