Last week, I mentioned how WONDERFUL it is to pregnant, this week I was blessed with, what I can describe as, my pelvis feeling like it's going to crack in half. At nearly 30 weeks my 40 pound weight gain is really felt now along with the growth of our baby. This past week I've felt like an Oompa Loompa. I'm feeling more excited and nervous than I have ever felt.
I'm happy to report my SIL who was pregnant with me (10 weeks ahead) delivered her healthy baby girl on Monday! Soon, it will be my turn... it seemed like her pregnancy went so fast, even to her, and mine feels like it's speeding forward as well. I'll let you know in 10 weeks how that's going. My mom was told my due date was December 18, my birthday is January 8, they had to pull me out, I wasn't coming in this world without a fight!
I had dreamt again last night about money and woke up feeling anxious and stressed out. Apparently, on top of my bills, I signed up to take a class (don't ask what class, I do not know) in order to pass this class I had to pay $300 as an assignment. I was doing exceptionally well in the class and I would fail if I didn't pay the $300 that I would have to get from D. What does all that mean?!
Back in the "olden days," how was this solved? I'm not sure what it is about marriage that would make the thought of D paying my bills "better," but as it stands I feel horrible and crummy about it (I wasn't very financially responsible and took a large pay cut when I moved here). Feminist movement, making me feel guilty for having my sweetheart financially take care of his family. Not to mention Christmas around the corner, what will I do?
I'm giving him a child, that's a pretty big gift in itself, but it will be our first Christmas together with each other and as a family and it will be only us as we are not going to travel back home with a newborn. I am excited for Christmas with our baby though, D even asked if we should get a "real" tree. I think we'll pass this year, we'll have our baby to take care of I wouldn't want anything additional getting in the way of spending time together as a family.
I put this burden on myself. If you ask D, he would ask why I even worry about that and he'll take care of us, but I don't want him to stress out, his job is stressful enough.
I love this man, I love that I can give him a child, I love that to me he is just so dashingly handsome I cannot help but stare at him, I love that he watched GLEE with me last night, I love that he eats my plain meals and always takes seconds, I love that he is kind, good and will take care of his family, I love that he gave me the opportunity to have his child and join the mommy club.
10 more weeks to go! If only I could get him to start on the nursery!
Substance
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Weekend Plans
Yippee, Happy Friday all! So 12 more weeks to go all I can think is HOLY CRAP! Between now and then I have so much to do. One thing we are crossing off the list this weekend is Preparation for Childbirth class.
I just found out this morning we would be doing the class because D doesn't want to do the standard 4-5 week classes, he said he would forget stuff between classes. The only other weekend class is his birthday weekend so we needed to get it done now. I don't really care how we do it (in a weekend or throughout a month) so long as D remembers and can keep me focused and motivated during my labor.
I wanted to clean and direct our attention this weekend to what will be the nursery since we haven't started that and get our camera fixed or go shopping for a new one. Hopefully we can have the camera before I start on the nursery project.
Sunday is dedicated to football. Maybe I will be able to get D off the couch, he can at least fold some of the laundry while watching football and golf all day.
What activities do you have planned for the weekend?
I just found out this morning we would be doing the class because D doesn't want to do the standard 4-5 week classes, he said he would forget stuff between classes. The only other weekend class is his birthday weekend so we needed to get it done now. I don't really care how we do it (in a weekend or throughout a month) so long as D remembers and can keep me focused and motivated during my labor.
I wanted to clean and direct our attention this weekend to what will be the nursery since we haven't started that and get our camera fixed or go shopping for a new one. Hopefully we can have the camera before I start on the nursery project.
Sunday is dedicated to football. Maybe I will be able to get D off the couch, he can at least fold some of the laundry while watching football and golf all day.
What activities do you have planned for the weekend?
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The Results are In!
Well, you all know the outcome of my pregnancy test that morning. I woke up, called D. Told him I was going to take it, it takes about 3 minutes to process, so I would get in the shower and call him when I was done. I just finished flushing the toilet when it was confirmed what I had suspected.
Shaking, excited, scared, I called D back immediately. We had previously discussed that he hadn't had a scare in his life, or anything close to so he thought there might be something wrong with "his boys." The first words out of my mouth were "You don't have a problem with your swimmers!" Wow, ok, whew, alright. Wow, pregnant. It says Pregnant. D said he was ready to be a dad and asked me how I felt. I was still trying to grasp my mind around what this would mean. We both had to get to work, so no long convo.
I remember getting in the shower amazed at what my body was doing, there's a person growing in there. I'm going to be mom, a MOM. I remember specifically washing my stomach that day, pushing it out, imagining what it would be like to have a swollen belly fully of baby. Ready or not, I was going to be a mom, D was going to be a dad.
275 miles separated us, but I had never felt so close to someone before. While apart, I would always keep one of his shirts when we visited, I would bring back the one with the faded smell of him and would trade it in for a fresh smell of him. (Gosh, I love the smell of him!) Now, though no matter the distance, I had a part of him always with me.
That day at work, he kept calling me, checking on me, making sure I was ok. I was fine, I was more than fine. We had been dating for 4 months, in love for three, living in different states, him just taking a new position... and we were given a baby.
Shaking, excited, scared, I called D back immediately. We had previously discussed that he hadn't had a scare in his life, or anything close to so he thought there might be something wrong with "his boys." The first words out of my mouth were "You don't have a problem with your swimmers!" Wow, ok, whew, alright. Wow, pregnant. It says Pregnant. D said he was ready to be a dad and asked me how I felt. I was still trying to grasp my mind around what this would mean. We both had to get to work, so no long convo.
I remember getting in the shower amazed at what my body was doing, there's a person growing in there. I'm going to be mom, a MOM. I remember specifically washing my stomach that day, pushing it out, imagining what it would be like to have a swollen belly fully of baby. Ready or not, I was going to be a mom, D was going to be a dad.
275 miles separated us, but I had never felt so close to someone before. While apart, I would always keep one of his shirts when we visited, I would bring back the one with the faded smell of him and would trade it in for a fresh smell of him. (Gosh, I love the smell of him!) Now, though no matter the distance, I had a part of him always with me.
That day at work, he kept calling me, checking on me, making sure I was ok. I was fine, I was more than fine. We had been dating for 4 months, in love for three, living in different states, him just taking a new position... and we were given a baby.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Surprise
Remember Rosanne? On one of the shows DJ asked her if he was an accident. She said he was a surprise, DJ then asked the difference. She responded an accident is something that happens that you never want to happen again, like a broken arm. A surprise is something you didn't know you wanted until you got it.
We weren't trying to not get pregnant.
I talked to D before about this, told him I was nervous waiting Christmas Eve since I was freaking out(as I never had to take a pregnancy test before), he told me he was not. Told me he's not worried and that I shouldn't be. He loves me, I love him. We both wanted a relationship, we both felt we found "our lobster." We were pretty confident we had. The test was negative.
I surprised with him a visit March 27th, although I would see him the next weekend for Easter, I just couldn't wait. I was down in Kenosha that morning, a stone's throw away from the Illinois border and 3 short hours after that could be in my lover's arms! He was out golfing with a buddy when I got there, I waited a couple hours and then he was home.
I kept checking, waiting, cause I knew it should be any day. I couldn't remember what day I had circled on my calendar at work, but it was always near the end of the month, like clockwork. When I returned to work on Monday morning, I was 5 days late. Maybe it was stress, I told myself, it will come. There were signs, I could feel them, any day now. D asked me if I felt different, sick or boobs hurt worse than normal. I didn't feel any different, I was just worrying myself over nothing.
Tuesday night, I grabbed a pregnancy test on my trip to Target that night. Later in the evening, I grabbed a six pack of beer and headed to my girlfriend Mo's house. Pregnancy test are best taken in the morning I was told, this was my last night that I knew I was not pregnant. We drank the beers and smoked our cigarettes, I headed home, called D and slept well that night.
We weren't trying to not get pregnant.
I talked to D before about this, told him I was nervous waiting Christmas Eve since I was freaking out(as I never had to take a pregnancy test before), he told me he was not. Told me he's not worried and that I shouldn't be. He loves me, I love him. We both wanted a relationship, we both felt we found "our lobster." We were pretty confident we had. The test was negative.
I surprised with him a visit March 27th, although I would see him the next weekend for Easter, I just couldn't wait. I was down in Kenosha that morning, a stone's throw away from the Illinois border and 3 short hours after that could be in my lover's arms! He was out golfing with a buddy when I got there, I waited a couple hours and then he was home.
I kept checking, waiting, cause I knew it should be any day. I couldn't remember what day I had circled on my calendar at work, but it was always near the end of the month, like clockwork. When I returned to work on Monday morning, I was 5 days late. Maybe it was stress, I told myself, it will come. There were signs, I could feel them, any day now. D asked me if I felt different, sick or boobs hurt worse than normal. I didn't feel any different, I was just worrying myself over nothing.
Tuesday night, I grabbed a pregnancy test on my trip to Target that night. Later in the evening, I grabbed a six pack of beer and headed to my girlfriend Mo's house. Pregnancy test are best taken in the morning I was told, this was my last night that I knew I was not pregnant. We drank the beers and smoked our cigarettes, I headed home, called D and slept well that night.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
And then?
Two weeks later, we learned D was up for his promotion, you know, the one where he may have to relocate. With this one, he would, it was in Indianapolis. One week after that, he was offered the job.
He called me as soon as he got off the phone with them, told me he was going to think about it, negotiate with the company (he has such a grown up job!). He wanted this, but didn't plan on meeting me. He needed to know that I would go with him, I would join him on his journey. He had to take this, that was not a question, he worked for this, he needed to do it. He wanted me by his side.
I knew I would regret losing love more than I would regret losing some time in Milwaukee, after all, I had been in Milwaukee for 27 years now. It was impossible for me to get lost in this city, I knew all the roads, all the restaurants, all the bars. The city was getting old to me. I needed something new, a new focus, new direction. I told D I would go.
The question was, do we go "balls to the wall" or do we think this through?
He called me as soon as he got off the phone with them, told me he was going to think about it, negotiate with the company (he has such a grown up job!). He wanted this, but didn't plan on meeting me. He needed to know that I would go with him, I would join him on his journey. He had to take this, that was not a question, he worked for this, he needed to do it. He wanted me by his side.
I knew I would regret losing love more than I would regret losing some time in Milwaukee, after all, I had been in Milwaukee for 27 years now. It was impossible for me to get lost in this city, I knew all the roads, all the restaurants, all the bars. The city was getting old to me. I needed something new, a new focus, new direction. I told D I would go.
The question was, do we go "balls to the wall" or do we think this through?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
24 weeks
Today I am 24 weeks pregnant. I love it, not every minute of it, but I love having our baby. 'I'm growing a human, what can you do?' It's awesome and amazing all at the same time. My body has changed so much. I still walk by a mirror, look and am surprised sometimes. 16 more weeks to go!
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