Finding our place

Happy Monday all! This weekend was much better than last! Friday, after our Doctor appointment we went walking around Noblesville and had dinner at a small brewery. We went to go see the "facebook movie" too. Saturday night, I got to get out and hang with awesome, intelligent, funny ladies. Sunday, D and I went to our first church here in Indy, our first church service together.

D and I are not religious people, but I believe that I need to be focusing more on religion and faith. Previously, all my endeavors with having a relationship with God began with a tragedy. God had blessed us with each other, a child, He had plans for us we didn't even know about and I’m excited to find what else He has planned for us. He has already created something so wonderful and we both want to honor Him and teach our daughter about God and Jesus.

D wanted to wear his Manning jersey and I told him he couldn't wear that to church, when we arrived, nearly half the congregation was in jerseys. Next week, he can wear his jersey.

We both liked the church, it was contemporary, there were a good amount of young people and families with babies and I felt we could fit our family into this church. We were invited to sign up and they would inform us of the next welcome class. I liked that I didn't feel uncomfortable about our "sinning," (I was raised Catholic) the member asked if it was safe to assume I was with child, of course I told him yes after joking about weight gain.

I'm not sure if we're going to explore other churches, we both felt comfortable and enjoyed the sermon, the one turn off was pushing the tithe. Next week, 10/10/10 they explained there were going to focus on tithing (10% of earnings given to the church). We appreciated the heads up. We're okay with discussing that for a week or two, but hoping this church WON'T focus on tithing all the time.

How did you find a place of worship with your significant other? Did you change religions?

SwitchBoard Operator

I am a switchboard operator, I am not a secretary, I am not a gopher. My job is to sit and answer the phones for the Indy and two other offices. Few people reports to me if they are in the office or out of the office, no one reports they are stepping away from their desk, in a meeting, or at lunch. Calling me back to report that they did not answer the phone does nothing more than irritate me and wastes your time, leave a message, when they get back in, should they choose, they will call you back. When pages are not returned, I cannot run around all three floors to see if they are in the office.

I do not know who called your cell phone, we have over 200 employees in this office and 50 in the other two and they do not report to me when they call a cell phone. Listen to message first, and then call back. They also do not report to me when they call 911, I do apologize to the 911 operators, but as far as I know, there is no emergency. We have asked them to be careful when dialing out, I am not sure why they cannot do this. I am a switchboard operator.

Lastly, This is a large business, I have over 50 John's, Chris's and Bob's in my directory, I have calls coming in and do not have time to go through all the last names to see what jogs your memory. Please have that information in front of you when you call. Good Day.

I said Good Day.

UPDATE: This morning it was brought to my attention that taking 20 steps away from my "cell" to get water, is not right, I should be calling somebody. I normally bring a water bottle because I have to drink a ton of water, but forgot it. I need to ask permission to go to the bathroom AND get water, at 27 years old, I can say that this really, really pissed me off. I'm waiting for someone to tell me I am now drinking too much water... The things we do for love!

The yin and yang of surprise

Source
I would like to assure you, dear readers, by sharing what I did that I am a)wanting to give you my real world view b)a strong woman who knows she'll do best for her baby and for herself (cause if momma ain't happy, no one is). Life is difficult at times. Thank you for being so kind and understanding.

In less than one year D and I have fallen in love, left the only city we both had ever known, left our friends and family, had a career/job change and learned we were going to be parents. We both take this parenting/baby thing very seriously, he is a man with heart and what I failed to realize was me discussing my fears, worries and concerns never gave him the opportunity to share his. Having a baby is new to both of us, not just me.

The end is much closer than the beginning now, we feel her growing strong, moving around, feeling her elbows, hands, knees, feet and head. We still can't see her, but we feel her, we are happy and laugh when she really whacks D. Last night, she was cheering with us as were hoping for a Packer victory, reaching out, giving us a fist bump or high five. Before the playoffs, she'll be here to cheer with us in person (Indy needs more Packer fans)!

God gave me a baby first

This past weekend was supposed to be wonderful, romantic, D and I's FIRST wedding together. It was not at all what I hoped, planned or prepared myself for. I was hurt, angry, telling a drunk lady at the bar to STFU (telling me I was going to have my baby early because of stress), sad, depressed, crying, ugly cry and even as my cousin wed the love of his life, more ugly cry. I hope I didn't ruin their wedding pictures.

D did not come to the rehearsal (I was a bridesmaid), he was not at the ceremony, he did not attend the reception and I was preparing myself to leave Indy in disbelief that at 27years old I had allowed myself to get in this predicament. I am honest, too honest for my own good sometimes, I feel my 8 readers need to know, we are on thin ice. I am not sure if/how I will discuss the details of the argument/issue, but two people can do A LOT of talking over the 4.5 hour drive back to Indy. Today we are beginning to do the doing.

I spent Saturday morning, getting my hair did and crying. Looking at myself in the mirror and wondering for the thousand time in my life why I was not good, pretty, worthy enough, why this continues to happen to me and what on earth am I going to do with no job, lots of bills and 9 weeks until baby came. My Aunt took me outside to talk.

She would send me cards in the mail "just because," on one of those cards she wrote:

'You deserve a love so great because you give love so great, don't settle.'

We talked about that, I cried, she listened... I turned my phone off and wanted to enjoy this day. Getting ready, I decided no more tears, I was putting my make up on and would be damned if I had to redo it. My mom told me he sent her a text asking me to call him, I did not. I was busy.

Tears continued, I'd have my moments, think I was strong and then something like trying to buckle my shoes would set me off (my feet are so swollen I couldn't do it myself). I cried, more like sobbed, nearly all through the ceremony. I didn't know how I would be able to make it through the day, all the family there and D not in attendance.

When the wedding party stopped at a bar, I was sitting with the ring bearer and the inquisitive flower girl. She kept looking at my belly and asking questions, then she asked THE QUESTION: "Are you married?" I kept it together, replied, then of course the follow up "Are you going to get married?" I responded 'someday' feeling the tears welling up in my eyes.

I needed to change the subject, kids like to know why you're crying... Before I could think of something, she stated "So, God gave you a baby first." So innocent, so wide eyed, so simple. 'Yes, yes, God gave me a baby first.'

I didn't shed one more tear the rest of the day.

Newest member of my family!

This is a picture of the bump (July 31), me (crouching down) and the wonderful lady who will be joining our family FINALLY this weekend. The instant I met her, I loved her, she was adorable, sweet, funny and opinionated all lacking from my cousin's other girlfriends.

My "cuz" is an only child, my brother and I grew up with him and I think of him as a brother type, I will certainly be Auntie to their babies and they will most certainly be Auntie and Uncle to mine.

I was nervous to tell her about the baby since it would interfere with her wedding (I'm a bridesmaid) and I had just read a post from Pissed Off Bride (whatever happened to that blog?) regarding her MOH getting pregnant when she knew about the wedding. L isn't like that at all, but I did want to ask her if she still wanted me in the wedding, I would understand if she didn't. She did and all was good, except the stupid drama with my dress, but that's over now, I hope.

I told L D and I got some pictures taken and I wanted to share them with her, they were our first ultrasound pictures when our little peanut looked like a little gummy bear. L was the second one I told in my family that I was pregnant and her response was "I'm so excited to be an Auntie again."

I really love this lady! I'm thrilled she is finally joining our family and cannot wait to share in their special day! I get a niece and a SIL all in one week, I could not ask for more!

Pregnancy, Babies and Feminism

Last week, I mentioned how WONDERFUL it is to pregnant, this week I was blessed with, what I can describe as, my pelvis feeling like it's going to crack in half. At nearly 30 weeks my 40 pound weight gain is really felt now along with the growth of our baby. This past week I've felt like an Oompa Loompa. I'm feeling more excited and nervous than I have ever felt.

I'm happy to report my SIL who was pregnant with me (10 weeks ahead) delivered her healthy baby girl on Monday! Soon, it will be my turn... it seemed like her pregnancy went so fast, even to her, and mine feels like it's speeding forward as well. I'll let you know in 10 weeks how that's going. My mom was told my due date was December 18, my birthday is January 8, they had to pull me out, I wasn't coming in this world without a fight!

I had dreamt again last night about money and woke up feeling anxious and stressed out. Apparently, on top of my bills, I signed up to take a class (don't ask what class, I do not know) in order to pass this class I had to pay $300 as an assignment. I was doing exceptionally well in the class and I would fail if I didn't pay the $300 that I would have to get from D. What does all that mean?!

Back in the "olden days," how was this solved? I'm not sure what it is about marriage that would make the thought of D paying my bills "better," but as it stands I feel horrible and crummy about it (I wasn't very financially responsible and took a large pay cut when I moved here). Feminist movement, making me feel guilty for having my sweetheart financially take care of his family. Not to mention Christmas around the corner, what will I do?

I'm giving him a child, that's a pretty big gift in itself, but it will be our first Christmas together with each other and as a family and it will be only us as we are not going to travel back home with a newborn. I am excited for Christmas with our baby though, D even asked if we should get a "real" tree. I think we'll pass this year, we'll have our baby to take care of I wouldn't want anything additional getting in the way of spending time together as a family.

I put this burden on myself. If you ask D, he would ask why I even worry about that and he'll take care of us, but I don't want him to stress out, his job is stressful enough.

I love this man, I love that I can give him a child, I love that to me he is just so dashingly handsome I cannot help but stare at him, I love that he watched GLEE with me last night, I love that he eats my plain meals and always takes seconds, I love that he is kind, good and will take care of his family, I love that he gave me the opportunity to have his child and join the mommy club.

10 more weeks to go! If only I could get him to start on the nursery!

What a difference a year makes

Yesterday would have been my dear friend Mikey's birthday. Mikey committed suicide late in the evening on/about February 27. We got the news February 28. Last year, we went to a bar around my hometown. I almost didn't go, had too much to drink the Friday night before, but I got myself put together and headed out. We had so much fun that night and I remember.

Mikey touched the lives of a lot of people, after I logged on to my facebook account yesterday morning I saw all the messages of Happy Birthday or today would have been your birthday. It would have been his 33rd. I drew a bath, put some bath salts in and just sat, reflecting. Of all the twists and turns my life has taken over the past year, the biggest one has been losing him. His dad committed suicide, he hated people that did that, it was weak, it was selfish.

Mikey had four children, two beautiful girls and two handsome boys. He was a "sweetheart." Nearly his whole body was covered in tattoos, but even suburban me managed to get past that quickly because of his personality and kindness in his eyes. One of the last times we went out, I was with "the guys," and some other friends came to join and Mikey told them I was "one of the boys."

The last time I saw him, he asked if I was pregnant yet. Unbeknownst to me, I was. I often wonder if he knew, he had been battling the demons quietly, I wonder if some kind of serenity had come over him and he was able to see things others couldn't.

I'm thankful for the memories. I want to see him seeing me with my swollen belly and have him rub it and smile and be happy.