My life was forever changed on this day

Yes, one year ago today my life changed forever when I read one word: pregnant. I mentioned before we weren't not trying to get pregnant, but that test, that day one year ago changed my world forever. It meant I was going to become a mother, I had a life growing inside of me, it was no longer me, myself and I. I would have a family.

It seems like yesterday. I will never, ever forget this day, it will forever be "the anniversary of Grace." It's was the day before April Fools and I could have blabbed I was pregnant, people would write it off as an April Fools day joke. 10 months later the joke would be on them! Yes, a very special day for me and D, one we share with our daughter and it is ours forever. It's better than my birthday, I was reborn that morning one year ago and my life has not nor will not be the same.

Don't wanna miss a thing

Happy Friday Dear Readers! As I sat outside yesterday enjoying the beautiful day in Indy, I looked at my daughter snuggled in my arms and realized this motherhood thing is flying by! She's already sitting in her bumbo, rolled from her belly to her back (was probably her big head leading the way, but she did it 3 times so it wasn't a fluke) and my favorite - she started laughing. I've been enjoying this time with her - she's still my snuggler, she needs her momma. She'll continue to grow and opportunities like we had yesterday will become few and far between as she'll be busy exploring the world, not looking back.

We went to Milwaukee last week, it was so nice to be back to visit with friends and family and to have Grace spend time getting to know them. While driving back, the Aerosmith song that's the title of this post came on and the water works flowed for this momma. I don't want to miss a thing, not a smile, not a kiss and I just want her to stay my lil snuggler. I know that can't happen, but it's truly awesome how much you love your kid.

I've been reading your blogs usually with my baby in my arms and haven't commented, it's our quiet time during the day. I haven't really had too much to say on here either, my baby is growing. It's exhilarating and terrifying at the same time, I want to embrace this time with her, enjoy it, remember it, it will be gone so soon. I know there is plenty to look forward to, but I want to cherish the todays, I understand now why they call it the "present." Cheesy, I know, but I am from Wisconsin (Go Badgers!)!

We gave Grace her first "real" nook, here's how she felt about that:


Grace just woke up from her little snooze, so I'm going to go and snuggle and smile and laugh with my little girl. I hope you all have a great weekend and enjoy the "present."

Life and other details

My babe is not a fan of tummy time. Even though she is protesting in this picture, this is a fav of mine. It's important to remember mommyhood is not all puppies and sunshine, it's mostly puppies and sunshine but not all.

Wednesday, she will be three months old. I don't know where the time went, but it flew by. I have been getting more motivated to finish her nursery since she's running out of room in her bassinet, I hear her hitting the sides more and more while she sleeps waking her and me. She still is sleeping like a champ though.

I know I haven't really blogged a whole lot, last week we had a couple of "nice" days and I took Grace for a few walks and cleaned out my messy car. My beloved Bird died, he was 16 and cockatiels live to be 15-18. My aunt and cousin came down for a visit, we walked around downtown, but mostly we stayed in and played with the babe. She's smiling and cooing a lot lately. I put her newborn clothes away except for some onesie's that still might fit if I ever put them on her (I'm loving the zip-up sleepers right now and since we really don't go anywhere or do a whole lot, they work great and are so simple). I finally got an electric pump and was amazed at what I was missing out on! Definitely worth the money. Grace sat in her bumbo for the first time (I put a blankie and pillow around her to support her neck), she's much more interested in being where she can see the action instead of counting dots on the ceiling.

That's all I've got friends. I am looking forward to a weekend with just the three of us we haven't had one of those for a few weeks with me being in Milwaukee, my parents coming down then my aunt and cousin coming down. Hope you all are doing well!

Life is like a box of chocolates

Hi all, sorry for the lack of posts. I went home to Milwaukee two weekends ago, not a planned trip by any means. Sadly, my bff's mother passed away from the stomach cancer we learned about one day before my birthday. She was a true angel on earth and will be forever missed. I last saw her at my baby shower and when I spoke to her 3 weeks ago, she was so excited to meet baby Grace. I think she met her, because the morning I learned of her passing, little Grace was the smiliest I've seen her. I know Erin is with the Lord, she is back with her Father, but I am so sad to see such a beautiful person's life end so shortly.

I had this fear of traveling with the baby and am happy to report, she did so well on the drive to Milwaukee. It's about 5 hours from my house to my parents house and little Grace snoozed nearly the whole way there. She was waking up a bit when I had to slow down for the tolls in Illinois, but once we were off, she'd doze.

Upon our arrival to the greater Milwaukee area, we stopped at my cousin's house so I could feed the baby (I didn't want to stop at a dirty truck stop) and surprisingly, she wasn't screaming her head off. She met her fur-cousins who sniffed the heck out of her and apparently "good dog" means "jump on my lap even though I'm holding my sweet baby." I was not above hurting the dogs if they hurt my baby, no animals or babies were harmed.

The funeral was on Friday in Appleton, another 2 hour drive. I thought baby Grace was thinking she'd be forever stuck in her car seat in a car, but she was a good sport about it. Afterwards, we went to a pub and thankfully she did not enjoy her first bar experience. It's amazing how you think the world changes after having a baby, there still aren't baby changing stations in a bar bathroom, this mom thought there would be, I don't know why. There never had been in any of the bars I frequented and I probably would have thought badly about mothers bringing babies to bars, but that's what happens when you're a mommy, you get jaded and think now that I have a baby the world should just be convenient for mommies with babies.

I had my aunts, cousins and friends over to meet Grace. It was a fun day and Grace really does love her mommy, I wouldn't say she had "stranger danger" yet, but it proved that Grace hears, looks and wants me. I need to get her out more.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday... Oh Packers how I love thee! Congratulations on a terrific season! Before the big game, Grace got to meet her cousin Reese (she's 10 weeks older). Grace was frustrated Reese could hold her head up, roll and almost sit by herself. Reese was jealous of Grace's long locks.

We cuddled and snuggled and spent time with Grandma and Grandpa. My friend Laurie and her daughter Isabelle stopped by for a quick visit.

We left Tuesday morning.

3 hours after getting into our trip ONE of my worst fears came true. Driving down 65 South, just outside of Gary, a silver minivan was driving north in the southbound lane. Now this wasn't a "OMG, I'm on the wrong side of the hwy" situation, this was a "I have a death wish and want to take as many people as I can with me" situation. Thankfully, Grace had woken up and I was in the right hand lane to exit the highway and stop to feed her. The driver had caused an accident and both sides of the highway were closed, I pray no one was injured. In my 12 years of driving I have never ever seen anything like that and the rest of the trip home I would not pass a vehicle until we were on a straight path and I could see no vehicles were driving towards me.

And as for the title, today I got a coconut filled one and then a yummy chocolate filled one! Lastly, what you really came here for - a picture of the baby.

I believe there are angels among us

I got the news on January 7th, one day before my birthday. My BFF's mom was in the ER, something was wrong, BFF feared it was cancer. BFF was right. Stomach cancer. I told BFF she was strong, we would pray, we would trust that God would take care of her, that God would give her the strength, it was in His hands now. Last night, God decided he wanted his angel back.

I should have gone back to Wisconsin. I spoke with her two weeks ago, she thanked me for the picture of Grace and told me she can't wait to meet her. We were praying, my faith was stronger because of her. She is watching over us now, Grace's smiles over my right shoulder this morning tell me she's there, it's okay, she's with God now. She was one of His children and she adored Him and this morning, she got to go back to her Father, forever.

A true angel among us, I am lucky for the years I spent with her, God wanted his angel back, but I wasn't ready to let her go...

Mommies shouldn't be judgemental

Should they? I might need to take a break from the 'book,' the facebook that is. I logged on yesterday afternoon, was stalking as I usually do, then I saw it and was filled with OMG! A "friend" of mine went to WIC (Wisconsin's state assistance program) yesterday and was enraged that they were talking about breastfeeding her baby with her. She then ranted that "it's MY body, MY boobs, MY choice and MY baby." I commented "if it's your baby/choice then you should pay for it, no?" I haven't logged on since.

The issue wasn't with her choice to breastfeed or not breastfeed, it's tough when you're the only source of food for your baby (I know from experience). I'm probably making this more dramatic than necessary, but this "entitlement" irks me. When my younger brother's girlfriend got pregnant her response was "...they'll pay for everything so it's no big deal." OMG about that too! The they who pay for that is us, we do not have a choice. I struggle with this.

I judge and I get angry, of course it's not the child's fault. They are innocent and shouldn't have to suffer for the bonehead decisions their parents make, but to bite the hand that feeds you is wrong. There is nothing wrong with being on assistance. Situations happen, circumstances change - babies are very expensive and I want the child to have the best opportunities and life possible.

I understand there are unforeseeable circumstances where a family needs extra help. Planning to have a family because they'll pay for it is, in my opinion, boneheaded. Getting disgusted because the institution that will be giving you citizens' tax dollars to care for your child talked with you about breastfeeding instead of formula, also, imo, boneheaded.

I realize receiving assistance is not glamorous. I've had family and friends who have struggled getting through the system, having to wait days to see a doctor when they had a sick child, choosing buying diapers and formula over paying the rent because their assistance hadn't come yet. Not only does this cause financial stress, it causes insurmountable emotional stress.

I personally struggled with my decision to leave my job and go blindly into Indy looking for a job while I was 4 months pregnant, giving up receiving temporary disability after her birth. I am fortunate to have D who could support me financially, I am fortunate to stay at home with my daughter. Without D, I would certainly need assistance and there's a good chance I may not be able to continue to provide Grace breast milk.

I want another child, possibly two more children, but I also know that we've had to make financial adjustments with Grace. D has the responsibility of financially providing for both her and I to allow me to stay at home and raise our baby girl. Sadly, there isn't an endless supply of money.

I struggle. I don't want to be judgemental, moreover, I don't want Grace to see her mom being judgemental. I realize I easily could someday be calling or waiting on assistance for my child, swallowing a huge chunk of my pride and eating these words I wrote today.

Can we discuss?

Not for 70 years

Have the Packers and Bears played in a championship game. Big Grace is all ready decked out and waiting for the win! She needs to get all the use she can out of this cute 'fit as her daddy would say.