Follow up Way overdue and yes there is more...

So my last post was a buzz kill, I swear it was an out of body experience. I blogged, tweeted and .2 seconds after I facebooked about the incident, my dad called me to tell me alcoholism is a disease, like cancer, and I could get in trouble for putting her name and where she lives (if you live in the Indy and are concerned, please don't hesitate to contact me). It's not fair, comparing a cancer patient with an alcoholic, specifically one who cares for other people's children, but the way my luck has been going, I don't need a lawsuit.

I've spoken to the mom who reported the "nanny" and also spoke with the other mom of the other victim. I am thankful these ladies and I were able to talk, albeit, not the circumstance, but I cannot thank this mother enough for caring enough to get involved in this. It would have been easier to not get involved.

I still haven't written the police report, I still haven't had my "home visit." I was selfish on Tuesday, thinking about ME when I wrote that post. I realized early Wednesday I need to think about my girl, I need to watch her to make sure her happy go lucky spirit was not cracked by this experience.

Wednesday, I was angry, I was angry she lied to me, my mom and my girl, I was angry I have to have a complete stranger with possible pre-conceived notions of how I made this choice come to my home, I was angry that something far worse could have happened.

I still have questions: Did she have the cops have to chase the nanny around the house yelling and was she being belligerent while my daughter watched scared of what was going on? Was this a one-time incident where she was having a bad day and made a bad choice and got caught? Was this an everyday occurrence?

Besides G being really thirsty when we got home, I didn't notice anything else wrong with her. The "nanny" had a strict no sippys in the playroom rule which I don't blame her for, even with the spill proof cups G can still manage to squeeze the tip just right to have liquid come out. I didn't get close enough to this woman to smell booze on her breath or think that she was intoxicated. I was trusting, she looked like she had it together, the moms group I hooked up when I came to town found their sitters through Craigslist and LOVED them. My mom took me and my brother to a home daycare and it was a wonderful experience.

I have since gotten emails from my warning on Craigslist regarding other home care providers, they are not licensed either, after this experience I don't think I will ever go forward with an unlicensed daycare in the home or not. I know they are not all bad and I know a lot of them are sincere, honest people. I want to work, I want to know my girl is loved and taken care of, but I still hesitate. It's still new, I'm thinking after the home visit and using resources from DCS I will feel comfortable to go forward with this plan.

Failure...

I failed, I feel like I failed. I failed my daughter, my boyfriend and apparently I failed in the sytem. Within a one hour period today, I found my child in the arms of a Police Officer who told me she needed to talk to me. I also found out my "temp to hire" job has been taken off the assignment list. An hour after that? A black cat when I stepped away from my car after pulling in the driveway of what felt like a nightmare...

I found a daycare lady on craigslist, I was looking for a job I needed daycare. I didn't know she would be a drunk who refused to let police into her home so much so they had to kick the door in...


I was let go from my temp assignment, something about "superbowl and parking" and using current consultants... I was too busy trying to figure out why the police had my daughter and why DPS was getting involved.

Lastly, I get a visit, a "home visit" from DPS, because I wanted to work, because I needed to work and I thought that somehow, someway, there were still honest people in the world. People who really cared, who loved what they did, who gave 110% like I did...

SAHM to WM

Well friends, the time has come after 13 wonderful months home with my girl I returned to work this week. It's a temp job, but has the possibility to turn permanent. I worked with this temp agency when I first moved here (4 months pregnant I doubt I would have gotten hired by any company) and returned to them when seeking work, they came through again. It's funny, I never thought I would have luck with a temp agency, but lo and behold I have. The company I work for has hired people on previously so this is kinda like my pass/fail opportunity.

I found a great nanny for Grace, but was still anxious about leaving her on Tuesday for a "test run," I had to get some additional testing done for the job and since I had to pay the lady for the whole week anyway I thought that would be a good opportunity to make sure she would be okay with it. Originally I thought I would take her at 9, but was nearly in tears over the thought of it, instead I made her pancakes and dropped her off at 10. She did well, me not so much, but D drops her off in the morning since he gets to work much later than me.

It makes it so much easier on me that he's the one to drop her off, if I had to do it, I'm not sure I would last at my job. Wednesday morning she was good, Thursday morning she cried. We have some friends in town and they kept her on Friday so she could play with her "west coast boyfriend."

As far as the job goes, I really haven't had time to miss her, I've been really busy preparing for a meeting on Monday and want to make sure I cover all my bases (although I'm still not exactly sure what all those bases are). I finished the power point presentation to correspond with the meeting, but my supervisor did not give me reassurance I did the right thing or tell me it looks nice, that's important to me. Instead he said he'd review it this weekend, the meeting starts at 8am on Monday morning. I offered my cell phone or to come in and he said that it's not necessary. He didn't tell me to not come in on Monday, so I suppose I'll take that as a sign I did something right.

In my previous job I called my boss "sir," not that he demanded I call him that, it was just a habit I developed. My current supervisor told me not to call him "sir," my response? "Yes, sir." I know, I'm cool like that.

For now, I am happy, glad that I have returned to work. I kinda forgot that there is a world out there that doesn't revolve around Grace, it feels good to get back out there, to make a difference and hear the "atta boy" I didn't get from being a SAHM. Grace has been adjusting well from what I have been told and she's happy when I pick her up and she wants to show me the toys and things she did during the day.

My supervisor doesn't care what hours I work as long as the work gets done so I have been going in early so I can still spend a few hours in the evening with my girl. If they decide to hire me on though that would change, but hopefully by then we'll be in our house which is much closer to the job and the commute would not be so bad.
Oh the house? Yes, D got me my house, well is working on getting it. Our offer was approved and he got the mortgage papers yesterday! This song has been playing over and over in my mind these days because, well, it's the truth. I'm going to miss this, I do miss this, but right now, these are some good times!

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